“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.”
Psalm 51: 10-12
A few years ago I was at a crossroads in my life. It seemed as if every decision I’d made, or path I’d taken, had backfired on me. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t climb out of the deep, dark well of depression. I thought I knew, and had a relationship with, God but most of the time I still felt totally alone. On more than one occasion I’d even questioned my salvation. After all, how could a guy who’d been saved almost 40 years ago live the kind of life I had for all those years?
One October day I took a walk through the neighborhood where I was living and found myself at a church my daughter and I had attended for many years. I recognized the vehicle of a friend who was one of the pastors, so I called and asked him to meet me outside. I’ll never forget that day or the talk we had.
I spilled my guts about everything that had been going on in recent months, much of which he’d heard many times before. I told him that I knew I still had a heart that loved the Lord, my daughter, family and friends. It just felt like there was so much garbage piled on top of it over the years that I just couldn’t seem to find it anymore.
That’s when he shared with me Psalm 51, which I knew I’d read before but couldn’t really recall. This Psalm was written by David after he’d been confronted by the prophet Nathan about committing adultery with Bathsheba. My friend suggested that I read this Psalm and pray it to God every morning when I woke up.
I did this for awhile then, as had been the case many times before, forgot about it. A few months later the most significant change in my life began to take place and it seemed as if I was even worse off than before. That’s when I pulled out my bible and began to pray Psalm 51 to God every morning…for the last 2 years. Though there’s still much work to be done, my heart feels lighter and more in love with God, my family and friends than ever before. I’d heard for so many years how David was “a man after God’s own heart” but never really understood what that meant, especially in light of some of the choices he’d made. Today I’m starting to “get it,” as God continues to come after my heart and me His.
Grace and Peace,
MON-FRI 1P-3P, SUN 6A-10A