I’ve experienced many losses in my life losing, my parents and sibling to death is just a few. There is another loss that I encountered. A loss that is more devastating…
Before I was born my biological father asked my mother to have and abortion, she obviously refused as I’m here today. My mom did the best she could to raise me until I was 2yrs old. At that age she admitted that she couldn’t handle being a mom and asked my grandparents to take me and care for me. During this time I would spend the week with my paternal grandmother and weekends with my maternal grandfather.
By the time I was 10, my mom had married and settled down. So, I asked her if it was ok if I came to live with her. She said yes and so I moved back in with my mom. This was where our relationship changed and it grew into us becoming a “real family”. I gained a mother I had always wanted and a father I never had until my step father took me in as “his own child”. I love them both, and it was good to call someone mom and dad.
During this time I was still upset with my biological father. He never made time for me and I never saw him. He did come to my High School Graduation but after that disappeared until after my mom passed away a few years ago. On her death bed mom asked me to try to make amends with him and to get over my stubbornness. Well to quote her she said “You need to stop being stubborn”. She knew as I know now that my heart held bitterness toward him because he had left me “high and dry”. I could not find it within myself to forgive him for abandoning me.
With my mom I was able to talk through what I was feeling about what had happened. Why she didn’t want me, why it was so easy for her to just give me away. It is through those conversations I was able to forgive her partly because she ask for forgiveness and said she was sorry for the way things had happened. My father and I, because of his absence, could not have these conversations. I continued to harbor harsh feelings toward him and it was eating me alive.
About two years ago, my biological father was diagnosed with cancer. It is during this time he called me and asked if I would be willing to come and see him. So what did I do? I went running to the hospital, somewhere deep inside of me there was a child that still existed, in pain but still there that just wanted to be love by her dad. Isn’t that what any kid wants?
It is through this experience I was able to make amends with my father. A few weeks after those conversations he passed away. I am glad God allowed me to have a chance to work through the thing that had been eating me alive…
But it was still eating me alive.
I went to many Christian Counseling sessions and had many conversations with my Pastor. Even with all of that, it wasn’t till recently that I finally found the strength to forgive him. It was at that moment that my heart felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. A weight that had been holding me down. The weight that comes with harboring unforgiveness.
Did you know that UNFORGIVENESS is classified as a disease in medical books?!
In other words, UNFORGIVENESS kills us.
Do you know who is behind all UNFORGIVENESS? Satan!!! The Devil!!! He does want you to experience freedom. He uses it to hold you down and keep you from your God given potential.
In scripture the Bible tells us in John 10:10 that the thief’s (Satan’s) purpose is to steal and kill and destroy us.
Unforgiveness leads to bitterness. Bitterness is keeps us divided.
Divided within. Divided from others. Divided from GOD.
It is Satan’s Chief Weapon!
So – Don’t let Satan win!! Redirect your mind to God and forgive.
And to Pastor Brande THANK YOU for helping me get that weight off my shoulders!!!!
Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed (how?) by the renewing of your mind, (why?) that you may prove what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect”
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